Most of the people who read this blog know about the recent changes in the world of Vietnam adoption. For those of you who are not aware of the changes, here is a quck summary.
The US is supsending Vietnam adoptions because of supsected corruption. The government says that mothers are being paid to give their baby up for adoption, babies are being given up for adoption without the consent of the parents, etc. Parents who do not have a referral by September 1 will receive their dossier back from Vietnam and they will not have a child referred to them. These reports have stirred up so many emotions in me. I thought that blogging about them might be help me sort out my thoughts and to record them so that I can share this with Grace someday.
There are so many wonderful people who are waiting for a referral. People who will be fantastic parents. My prayers are with them. I pray that they will receive referrals in the next four months. I cannot imagine coming so far and not completing an adoption.
If I had stayed with the first agency I signed with, I would most likely still be waiting for a referral. When I signed with them in Dec 2005, I was told their was a 6 month wait for referrals. When I got my 171 in July 2006 I was told it would 18-24 months. I was devestated. Then I found out that a friend who began the adoption journey the same time as I did was up next for a referral. They had switched to a new agency. After researching the agency I made the decision to switch. The agency had recently began to facilitate adoptions. They had previously worked providing humanitarian aid in Vietnam and made the decision to handle adoptions.
As they were new, the waiting list was very short. Within a week I had turned in my dossier and was number four on the list for an infant girl. That was July 28, 2006. I received my referral on October 12. On December 28, one year after beginning the adoption process, we had our G&R and Grace officially became my daughter. Everything happened so quickly. I am a bit embarressed when I think of the many wonderful people have waited for soooo much longer and they are faced with a deadline.
Even though I have the utmost faith in my agency and their ethics, there is no way that they can be certain of exactly how a child came to be in an orphanage. The recent allegations of corruption makes me wonder about Grace's family. Was she willingly given up by her mother? The report says she was abandoned. Grace is from a very tiny village and I truly beleive that the nannies probably knew who Grace's mother was. I can't stand the thought that some mother had her child, my Grace, taken from her without her consent.
I truly believe that God picked me to raise Grace and be her mom. I believe that is true even if she was taken unethically. Taken unethically - that makes me sick to type. I believe that God has power over EVERYTHING. Does God take babies from their mothers? No. Does God give man free will to make decisions which are often bad? Yes. I believe that God often cleans up man's messes. He took babies who had been essentially stolen and placed them in loving homes.
I am going to raise Grace in a God centered home. It is my hope that she will be equipped to make sense of the diffcult things in life. This includes not knowing the truth about how she came to be in an orphanage. Whatever the circumstances, I truly hope that her mother can feel in her heart that Grace is happy.
7 comments:
I know too that God has a plan. I don't understand it, and I don't try. But, you are doing what you were called to do, and raising Grace the way you are called to raise her. I would hate to have to wonder and question Mia's background. Her situation was one of the more unique ones so I don't really question it. But, I surely wasn't expecting to ever adopt, but God had a different plan for me and her. Gracie is your daughter, and I hope that someday her mother who gave birth to her will know how great a job you did with the baby she brought to the earth. I'm so glad you got her home, and I know that she's your daughter. I remember the torment you went through at her referral. Sherri you were so meant to be the mommy to raise her. The story just had to be played out for you and her to become a family.
Very interesting post. I have been following the work in Cambodia of agencies trying to link families with their children who were adopted overseas illegally (same corruption issue in VN). I agree that it is heart breaking to meet a mother trying to find her child who was "stolen" from her. The agony is just too much sometimes. However, what pains me the most is to talk to the adoptive families and hear "That is too bad, but he/she is better off with us in ____ (insert rich first world nation)". Say what? It is this first world righteous attitude, that because we are God fearing rich Christians, we can raise someone's child better. As if a poor mother, who deeply loves her child, could not do any better. I have seen plenty of impoverished Cambodians and Vietnamese raise healthy and happy children. Final note, you put too much faith in your God. Just because she is in a loving home does not justify any mistake that could have (god willing it wasn't) been made. I think justifying it as "God's will" is a pathetic cop-out and it makes me sick to call myself a Christian when I hear that nonsense rhetoric such as yours. I pray for you that she was legally abandoned and her mother is at peace with it.
Katie Patterson-
This was a record of my thoughts for Grace. I am not quite sure that you read it all. I'll summarize. Some people in Vietnam are responsible for ripping babies from their mothers. I believe that God responds to this tragedy by making sure the children have loving parents. I said nothing about wealth or being better equipped to raise a child. I have spent my entire career working with families working dealing with intergenerational poverty, helping them to better meet the needs of their families. Many are great parents and many are not. Finances have nothing to do with it. My faith in God has always been important to me, long before I ever considered adoption. I am very sorry you can't understand faith. I am very appreciative of your support of families. As you do, I believe that no family should ever be forced to give up their child due to poverty. It is sickening to think of a child been taken from an unwilling family. Would Grace have been better off with her birth family? I don't know them and therefore cannot answer that. Is she better in my home or in an orphanage? Definitely.
Great post. Its sad to think that some of these children could be here while there birth parents are heart broken. But seeing that little girl I cant question that she was meant to be with you!
Great post. Its sad to think that some of these children could be here while there birth parents are heart broken. But seeing that little girl I cant question that she was meant to be with you!
Thanks Sherri! I have been reading so much about how many people just throw up their hands and say "It's in God's hands now!" Actually, it should be in the government hands:) God is not going to sort this situation out...it will be due dilligence from all parties involved. I hope that this mess is sorted out soon. It is terrible to think about all those legitimate orphans that are waiting for homes. However, one mis-placed child is one too many. Check out this blog http://goodhappenings.com Laurie and Travis have 2 sons from VN and they too are facing the same issues. I hope it all works out. My prayers are with all the families!
Sherri - Thank you for this post. It is very well written and mirrors my own thoughts about my son's adoption. Your blog was a wonderful diversion for me while waiting on a referral and waiting on travel - it made me smile many times!
Post a Comment